Although I don't practice Catechism as often or as strict as I used to, I still participate in a few traditions and ceremonies. I'm still spiritual and religious to an extent. And sometimes practicing is just plain food for my soul. Last year I was able to abstain from alcohol for all 40 days and 40 nights. Yes, all types of alcohol for the entire time! It was damn hard but I actually did it. This year for lent I am giving up something else. In fact, a few things. As always informed by the pope and priests, I'll keep sacrifices to myself. I'll give y'all a recap once lent is done. I pray to have strength and perseverance through this period and I hope to reach my goals. May peace be with me.
Lent is over. Easter is here. For the past 40 days and 40 nights, I have kept quiet about what I gave up for Lent. I thought it would be more of challenge to keep it a secret to myself as I was taught to do so anyways. It was a true test.
I gave up alcohol.
Yessir, you heard right and I didn't stutter. Alcohol was by best friend until the night of Fat Tuesday at the Slate Party for M.A.G.I.C. Let it be known I was super floored that night and only remembering bits and pieces. Kris and Abi, the visitors, were the ones taking care of me, the resident, that night! I spent the next day glued to their hotel room bed trying to hold down the crackers and gaterade. I felt miserable. My body and the toilet hated me. From that day forth, I decided to give that up for lent.... and not tell anyone.
I never got to taste the sangria my roomie made for Kazu's Bday party. I never tried the various flavored beers my cousin would bring home from a long days of work. I never toasted a shot for my roomie's 31st Bday. I never drank the free alcohol we got at the VIP table for the Vegas Light Group party. I never drank wine with my romantic French dinner with the BF for our 3 year anniversary. I never not once, drank during spring break in the city of sin.
I gave up alcohol.
Yessir, you heard right and I didn't stutter. Alcohol was by best friend until the night of Fat Tuesday at the Slate Party for M.A.G.I.C. Let it be known I was super floored that night and only remembering bits and pieces. Kris and Abi, the visitors, were the ones taking care of me, the resident, that night! I spent the next day glued to their hotel room bed trying to hold down the crackers and gaterade. I felt miserable. My body and the toilet hated me. From that day forth, I decided to give that up for lent.... and not tell anyone.
I never got to taste the sangria my roomie made for Kazu's Bday party. I never tried the various flavored beers my cousin would bring home from a long days of work. I never toasted a shot for my roomie's 31st Bday. I never drank the free alcohol we got at the VIP table for the Vegas Light Group party. I never drank wine with my romantic French dinner with the BF for our 3 year anniversary. I never not once, drank during spring break in the city of sin.
Let me tell you it was not easy... especially when no one knew about it. The challenge was not only abstaining from it but also having the strength to turn it down on a weekly, sometimes daily basis.
I learned a lot giving up alcohol during lent. I learned that I didn't need alcohol to have fun or to let loose. I learned that I do loose a bit of weight when alcohol is not a part of my food groups. I learned the art of focus, determination, and perseverance. I learned that if I put my mind to it, I can definitely make it happen. I learned about myself and how much I am really capable accomplishing my goals. I felt refreshed and proud.
I learned a lot giving up alcohol during lent. I learned that I didn't need alcohol to have fun or to let loose. I learned that I do loose a bit of weight when alcohol is not a part of my food groups. I learned the art of focus, determination, and perseverance. I learned that if I put my mind to it, I can definitely make it happen. I learned about myself and how much I am really capable accomplishing my goals. I felt refreshed and proud.
With that said, let's go out and celebrate ... Cheeeeers!!!
Being home alone for the past two nights in a row was bittersweet. I don't know if it's because it's the weekend or the time of month when estrogen levels increase but either way, it's killing my peace of mind and running my emotions. Being in a house full of roommates, I usually love being home alone. The silence, the quiet, the peace, the privacy. Just me, the dog, and the television or good book. But tonight I feel more alone than usual. Kinda of like Tom Hanks in "Cast Away" but not that psychotically lonely.It's been a long while since I felt this way... maybe a couple of years -- or less. Maybe I'm over exaggerating. Maybe it's because I was surrounded by many people for the past 3 weeks. Maybe I'm just being too emo. Maybe I'm over analyzing and worrying too much. Or maybe I'm just really homesick. Either way, I have to get outta this hole and bring that positivity back up quick.
After a long awaited season, my kick off finally started late last month.
The playbook is filled with strategies and I never felt this confident.
Crowd is roaring and cheering just behind the side lines.
Confidence and motivation is at its highest level.
As the quarterback, nothing and no one can get me sacked.
I throw the ball and my dreams will be spiraling towards the end zone.
As a wide receiver, no obstacle can tackle me to the ground.
There is no such thing as out of bounds, penalties, and incomplete passes.
Forget the downs 'cause I'm be pulling a hail mary on this bitch!
There is no room for failure. No space for disappointments.
And not if, but when I make that touchdown, you can watch me do my game winning dance!
The playbook is filled with strategies and I never felt this confident.
Crowd is roaring and cheering just behind the side lines.
Confidence and motivation is at its highest level.
As the quarterback, nothing and no one can get me sacked.
I throw the ball and my dreams will be spiraling towards the end zone.
As a wide receiver, no obstacle can tackle me to the ground.
There is no such thing as out of bounds, penalties, and incomplete passes.
Forget the downs 'cause I'm be pulling a hail mary on this bitch!
There is no room for failure. No space for disappointments.
And not if, but when I make that touchdown, you can watch me do my game winning dance!
Yeeeeeaaaaah! See you on the greener side of the field!!
[ps. And on another note, today is the first day of the NFL season! Happiness all around.]
... one of the most cliche... but most true quotes ever!
Yesterday a friend of mine realized I have a blogsite, apparently read it and said, "didn't know you were such a wordy girl..you don't seem the type." Ookkaayy... I really didn't know if that was a compliment or not and I didn't know how to take it. I asked what he meant and he said, "it's a compliment .. thought you were just a party and bullshit type of girl."My first thought: What the Fuck??!!!
"Party and bullshit" type of girl?! I understood why he said party but... bullshit?! Does he really think I'm the bullshit type?! Does he think my life is just all party and bullshit? That I was put on this earth to take up some bullshit space? As one of my girls said it, "apparently I'm just some slutty attention whore who can't read or write." I have feelings. I have a personally. I have an identity. I have passion!! I have a life and I LOVE it. My life's not over, I'm still living it. I have goals. I've proudly reached some of them and I'm still trying to achieve goals I have and will create along the way.
Within a matter of minutes I quickly responded "Next time don't underestimate or judge anyone by what u don't know." He then responded, "never thought that you were so insightful ..I'm very impressed." Now, that's much better!!
After that, all I could do was literally laugh my ass off because I've done it once again. I proved someone wrong because they simply just didn't know the facts. I don't blame them. It happens allllll the time. Just because I have a vagina doesn't mean I don't like sports. I love sports; basketball, football, baseball, boxing, etc. Just because I go clubbing and love dancing, doesn't mean I love the music. I choose underground hip hop, jazz, r&b, neosoul, and indie over top 40 mainstream mash ups. Just because I'm from Hawaii doesn't mean I'm Hawaiian and live in a grass hut. I'm Filipino and I lived in a house with a partial view of ocean from my balcony. Just because I party like a rockstar on the strip in Vegas doesn't mean I always get wasted and pass out drunk. I stop at feeling a "good buzz" and sometimes I'm the one taking care of the drunks and being the designated driver. Just because you see my cute dresses and heels on Myspace doesn't mean my whole wardrobe is all glitz and glamour. I'd rather wear sneakers and a tee or tank and flats any day. Well...Surprise! This is ME!
I understand we all past judgment or have our own inside thoughts about people (I admit to that completely) but to express them so directly and naively without knowing or asking about the facts especially if it's demeaning ... that's just plain ignorant. Leave some room for the benefit of the doubt. 'Cause in the end, you'll be the one looking like a fool foreal.
And the last thing he said was, "I guess youre not just all looks...you got brains too ;p" he fkn should've just stopped at "I'm very impressed." Because, excuse me sir, "brains too?" Ummm... I'm the one that graduated with a Bachelor of Science, Degree in Nursing thank you very much. I believe I needed "some" brain to get pass that!
Originally posted on Facebook on Feb. 27, 2009.
[I was tagged by a friend of mine to write out 25 random facts about me and here is what I came up with:]
1. DO NOT… I repeat DO NOT wake me up if 1) I don’t need to, 2) if I have a migraine/headache, or3) if I’m drunk.... I will be the biggest grouch you’ll ever meet if you do! =p
2. I sleep with my eyes slightly open ( I think cause I have big eyes. Haha). But my optometrist says I have good tear ducks so I never have a problem with my eyes drying out, even with contacts on.
3. I spend an average of one hour at a music store. I LOVE LOVE LOVE music. I don’t like burnt cds. I buy the REAL thing. I have over 600 albums. As soon as I buy a cd, I’m prying it open as I walk out of the store. I like to listen to the cd while I view/read the inside cover from front to back and analyze the album art.
4. I own every Dixie Chicks album. Yes, I love country in addition to underground hip hop.
5. My family is musically talented. I’ve taken piano lessons from age 7 to 17. My brother plays the piano by ear and the tuba. My dad plays the violin. One day I’d like to play the violin.
6. When I was 15, I gave up soda for Lent. I stop drinking soda after that.
7. I NEVER ever tried smoking…anything! So I don’t know how to inhale.
8. I am right-handed. I do everything with my right hand…. Except, I can only snap my fingers with my left hand.
9. When I was 14, my cousin body slammed me on the bed. I found myself at the bottom of a pile. I dislocated my jaw and that is the reason why I have really bad TMJ. I've dislocation my jaw twice again after that.
10. I take my showers/baths in the dark or in dim lighting. It relaxes me.
11. I never had a broken bone EVER and I NEVER want to experience it!
12. I grew up with no cable or game system. My dad made me read the encyclopedia and national geographic magazines instead. My parents FINALLY got cable when I was in high school. What's MTV?
13. I learned how to swim in the 4th grade. How? My cousin pushed me in the deep end of the pool and I had to save myself! Not funny at all!
14. I was born and raised in Honolulu. I can speak, read, write, and understand Ilokano (Filipino). Don’t ask me to demonstrate because if you can understand English, then I will only speak to you in English!
15. I love avocados but I hate guacamole. I’m just too used to having my avocados mixed with milk and sugar!
16. I LOVE science. I took every kind of science class in high school (from physics to biotechnology & DNA sampling to physiology). I’d pick science classes over leisure classes like gymnastics/photography. I know, I was a big dork!!
17. If I could, I would only use my outfits once/twice. I hate repeating outfits. Yes, I know this is just too unrealistic! SO i DO repeat outfits. Also, when I buy a pair of shoes/sandals, I wait a looooong time to break them in. I still have 5 pairs I haven’t worn yet.
18. I love the smell of Crayola Crayons, gasoline, pages of a new book, and the soap they use at the Silverado 24 hour fitness! hahaha
19. I actually like to clean and I do it meticulously!! I think I’m OCD sometimes. I have to clean/organized things a certain way. The clothes in my closest are divided into styles then again into similar colors. I fold my socks and underwear a certain way and it’ll bother me if it isn’t (even if it’s already tucked away in my drawer). When I see something NOT in its place, I can’t stop thinking about it. Like its telling me, “put me away!”
20. I usually have one glass of milk a day. 1%Reduced! I don’t prefer soy milk! BUT I do love soy beans! Hehe
21. I burp like a man but I don’t fart. Once, as I was receiving my food from the waitress, I was about to say “thank you”, I accidentally burped instead! GAH! haha
22. I LOVE spicy food!! I don’t consider food spicy unless I feel the sweat beads dripping down the scalp of my head. Hahah!
23. Speaking of sweat, I sweat! NO, I SWEAT A LOT! I could be sweating while I’m playing in the damn snow!!! Seriously! I keep napkins in my car to wipe my sweat.
24. Not only do I have bad eyes, but I'm DEAF! I realized I got a little deaf when my cousin, Jenner, used to bump his 2 fifteens to Bone Thug & Harmony’s “CrossRoads” in his tan Astro Van. Then it was finalized when I when I went to the doctor for an annual check up. The Dr. had to turn off his air conditioning and air filter system for the whole office just so I can pass the hearing exam.
25. Although I NEVER ever played any sports, I LOVE watching sports! Specifically basketball, football, and baseball. Before I go to sleep, I need to have a dose of Sportscenter or my ESPN magazine that I subscribe to!
[I was tagged by a friend of mine to write out 25 random facts about me and here is what I came up with:]
1. DO NOT… I repeat DO NOT wake me up if 1) I don’t need to, 2) if I have a migraine/headache, or3) if I’m drunk.... I will be the biggest grouch you’ll ever meet if you do! =p
2. I sleep with my eyes slightly open ( I think cause I have big eyes. Haha). But my optometrist says I have good tear ducks so I never have a problem with my eyes drying out, even with contacts on.
3. I spend an average of one hour at a music store. I LOVE LOVE LOVE music. I don’t like burnt cds. I buy the REAL thing. I have over 600 albums. As soon as I buy a cd, I’m prying it open as I walk out of the store. I like to listen to the cd while I view/read the inside cover from front to back and analyze the album art.
4. I own every Dixie Chicks album. Yes, I love country in addition to underground hip hop.
5. My family is musically talented. I’ve taken piano lessons from age 7 to 17. My brother plays the piano by ear and the tuba. My dad plays the violin. One day I’d like to play the violin.
6. When I was 15, I gave up soda for Lent. I stop drinking soda after that.
7. I NEVER ever tried smoking…anything! So I don’t know how to inhale.
8. I am right-handed. I do everything with my right hand…. Except, I can only snap my fingers with my left hand.
9. When I was 14, my cousin body slammed me on the bed. I found myself at the bottom of a pile. I dislocated my jaw and that is the reason why I have really bad TMJ. I've dislocation my jaw twice again after that.
10. I take my showers/baths in the dark or in dim lighting. It relaxes me.
11. I never had a broken bone EVER and I NEVER want to experience it!
12. I grew up with no cable or game system. My dad made me read the encyclopedia and national geographic magazines instead. My parents FINALLY got cable when I was in high school. What's MTV?
13. I learned how to swim in the 4th grade. How? My cousin pushed me in the deep end of the pool and I had to save myself! Not funny at all!
14. I was born and raised in Honolulu. I can speak, read, write, and understand Ilokano (Filipino). Don’t ask me to demonstrate because if you can understand English, then I will only speak to you in English!
15. I love avocados but I hate guacamole. I’m just too used to having my avocados mixed with milk and sugar!
16. I LOVE science. I took every kind of science class in high school (from physics to biotechnology & DNA sampling to physiology). I’d pick science classes over leisure classes like gymnastics/photography. I know, I was a big dork!!
17. If I could, I would only use my outfits once/twice. I hate repeating outfits. Yes, I know this is just too unrealistic! SO i DO repeat outfits. Also, when I buy a pair of shoes/sandals, I wait a looooong time to break them in. I still have 5 pairs I haven’t worn yet.
18. I love the smell of Crayola Crayons, gasoline, pages of a new book, and the soap they use at the Silverado 24 hour fitness! hahaha
19. I actually like to clean and I do it meticulously!! I think I’m OCD sometimes. I have to clean/organized things a certain way. The clothes in my closest are divided into styles then again into similar colors. I fold my socks and underwear a certain way and it’ll bother me if it isn’t (even if it’s already tucked away in my drawer). When I see something NOT in its place, I can’t stop thinking about it. Like its telling me, “put me away!”
20. I usually have one glass of milk a day. 1%Reduced! I don’t prefer soy milk! BUT I do love soy beans! Hehe
21. I burp like a man but I don’t fart. Once, as I was receiving my food from the waitress, I was about to say “thank you”, I accidentally burped instead! GAH! haha
22. I LOVE spicy food!! I don’t consider food spicy unless I feel the sweat beads dripping down the scalp of my head. Hahah!
23. Speaking of sweat, I sweat! NO, I SWEAT A LOT! I could be sweating while I’m playing in the damn snow!!! Seriously! I keep napkins in my car to wipe my sweat.
24. Not only do I have bad eyes, but I'm DEAF! I realized I got a little deaf when my cousin, Jenner, used to bump his 2 fifteens to Bone Thug & Harmony’s “CrossRoads” in his tan Astro Van. Then it was finalized when I when I went to the doctor for an annual check up. The Dr. had to turn off his air conditioning and air filter system for the whole office just so I can pass the hearing exam.
25. Although I NEVER ever played any sports, I LOVE watching sports! Specifically basketball, football, and baseball. Before I go to sleep, I need to have a dose of Sportscenter or my ESPN magazine that I subscribe to!
It's been 1 week since the bff moved here to Vegas and I must say, I am quite happy!!
However, I know as for the rest of the girls back home, they probably hate Vegas by now for taking another one of us. And after last week, we are officially cut in half. Half of us here on the mainland (in SF & Vegas) and the other half back on the rock.
I've met a lot of people and I've deepened many friendships here at my home in the city of sin. And I am beyond grateful for everything and everyone. But, of course it's just not the same. The chemistry and the love just isn't the same. They aren't "my girls!" They aren't the girls who you call at 3am just to vent or laugh for whatever reason. They aren't the girls who you can have weekly Starbucks sessions to "talk stories" even if we've seen each other over the week and spent the entire weekend together! They aren't the girls who you can go over to their house, lay on the bed, and not say a word just because you love their company. They aren't the girls who make you their guinea pig when they learn how to make outfits outta shirts, or sew halloween costumes, or wax your pits/pubes, or curl your lashes. They aren't the girls who can out drink most of the guys at the bar. They aren't the girls that spend the whole night on the dance floor forgetting that they're not the only ones who loves the song, "Happy People". They aren't the girls who tell you straight up if your outfit or the guy you're checking out is hot or not. They aren't the girls who wipe you up when you're wasted in the restroom stall or make sure you got a plastic bag in the car before they dine in Zippys. They aren't the girls who aren't afraid to go in breakdance/house circles to battle. They aren't the girls who are the most fun and most loud in the car on the way to the club. They aren't the girls who would go on random nature adventures regardless if it's day or night. They aren't the girls who are down for whatever, whenever. They aren't the girls who you have an argument with, talk about it, solve the issue/misunderstanding, forgive, move on without grudges or talking shit, and be back to their normal fun selves by the time Grey's Anatomy gets back from commercial.
Because of this, I'm sometimes homesick and wish my closet can teleport me to them anytime I want. But regardless of the distance between us, we still remain close. And when we reunite, it feels as if none of us never even left.
Just like how Carrie Bradshaw in an episode of Sex and the City said it, I don't have 1 soulmate ... I have 9.
A little after my previous post, "please just let me breakdown", I took a last minute 72hr mini trip to L.A. in the beginning of this month. Although I went through a whole lotta crap in May, I also complained every step of the way. It didn't stop in L.A. either - being late, dealing with traffic, hard ass interview, the Lakers winning, feeling sick, and missing a flight took a toll on me. Because of being late to LAX, I was denied to get on the plane along with another passenger who was a Vegas visitor. I was stressed, frustrated, angry, irritated, and everything in between!! While on the other hand, the other fellow seemed calm and said, "maybe it was a good thing I missed the flight, less for me to gamble my money away." Early the next morning and still frustrated, I ran into the fellow at LAX and asked if he was able to go home and come back. He simply said that he "stayed at the airport and waited the 4 hours walking around" because he lived too far. I was still frustrated and angry even for him. At our gate, he knocked over his McDonald's iced coffee. I said to him, "omg, your trip isn't starting so great, huh?!" As he was cleaning up his mess, I felt bad and frustrated for him. I thought to myself, if that were me, I would be so pissed that I stood in that long ass line at McDonald's and now 3/4 of my drink in totally gone!! And then he said calmly, "it's a good thing I bought an extra large drink so I still have some left!"
So there I was ... complaining of how the drink was half empty, when he was simply happy that it was still half full!!
And at that instant moment, I finally realized that I AM the one in control with how happy or unhappy I want to be! At that instant moment, I realized I able to CHOOSE how I want to view life's occurrences!! I truly believe meeting this stranger was my fate. We were both put in the same place at the same to for this very reason.
I've been thinking about this for a couple weeks now and I’ve been on this “inspirational-I can do anything-I love my life-I am grateful for everything & everyone” tip!! And it’s fkn amazing! It really is!!!
Here's what I've thought of, learned, and what I can pass on because there is no such thing as too much inspiration...
1. Let it go! Stop assuming that the world is against you or that you were born with a black cloud over your head. To believe the whole universe or spiritual entity has completely singled you out and shifted the world order just to make your life utterly miserable is self-centered and illogical...seriously.
2. Build a bridge and get over it! Understand that the past does not equal the future. Like I mentioned in a previous blog post, just because you've been fucked over in the past doesn't guarantee that it's all you'll experience in the future! A day that starts off badly with walking up late for work after a late night fight with your boyfriend and spilling coffee all over your brand new skirt will not necessarily end with a black eye or a speeding ticket on your first car! Okay yes, there were situations in our lives that were beyond our control, but there are also many things in life we can control, including your thoughts and views - thus having the possibility to change. Oprah said, "your based level of pleasure is determined by how you view your whole life." You choose happiness... it doesn't choose you.
3. See yourself as a cause, not an effect! Quit thinking of what is happening to you and start thinking about what you can make happen! We only got one life to live people and you don't want to waste it by complaining. If you're not happy with how your life is right now, set goals and work toward them. If you have a whole shit load of bills to pay off, work a little extra or stop buying those expensive shoes you claim you need. If you're complaining with how you can't fit into your favorite jeans, get your ass to the gym. No action is taking an action!
4. Don't loose touch of what makes you truly happy. Surround yourself with positive caring people or things. It may either be your homies, your family, your dog, or your passion. Because when times are tough, turning to passion of music or fashion or your kids or having a girls night out can really help you get back on your feet.
5. Life is short. Learn to appreciate even the little things because remember that it could be worst. Some people would be die to have the pleasure of waking up in under a solid roof over their head or have feet to walk to the restroom in the mornings or see the sun setting over an endless body of water. Be thankful. Be grateful.
Love life ... and I promise you... it will love you back!!
1. Let it go! Stop assuming that the world is against you or that you were born with a black cloud over your head. To believe the whole universe or spiritual entity has completely singled you out and shifted the world order just to make your life utterly miserable is self-centered and illogical...seriously.
2. Build a bridge and get over it! Understand that the past does not equal the future. Like I mentioned in a previous blog post, just because you've been fucked over in the past doesn't guarantee that it's all you'll experience in the future! A day that starts off badly with walking up late for work after a late night fight with your boyfriend and spilling coffee all over your brand new skirt will not necessarily end with a black eye or a speeding ticket on your first car! Okay yes, there were situations in our lives that were beyond our control, but there are also many things in life we can control, including your thoughts and views - thus having the possibility to change. Oprah said, "your based level of pleasure is determined by how you view your whole life." You choose happiness... it doesn't choose you.
3. See yourself as a cause, not an effect! Quit thinking of what is happening to you and start thinking about what you can make happen! We only got one life to live people and you don't want to waste it by complaining. If you're not happy with how your life is right now, set goals and work toward them. If you have a whole shit load of bills to pay off, work a little extra or stop buying those expensive shoes you claim you need. If you're complaining with how you can't fit into your favorite jeans, get your ass to the gym. No action is taking an action!
4. Don't loose touch of what makes you truly happy. Surround yourself with positive caring people or things. It may either be your homies, your family, your dog, or your passion. Because when times are tough, turning to passion of music or fashion or your kids or having a girls night out can really help you get back on your feet.
5. Life is short. Learn to appreciate even the little things because remember that it could be worst. Some people would be die to have the pleasure of waking up in under a solid roof over their head or have feet to walk to the restroom in the mornings or see the sun setting over an endless body of water. Be thankful. Be grateful.
Love life ... and I promise you... it will love you back!!
Here's few of my favorite books that keep me inspired: " Words of Wisdom: Daily Affirmations of Faith from Run’s House to Yours" by Rev Run & "O's Guide to Life" by Oprah Winfrey. Get it! It might even inspire you!
As I browsed for used CDs in a hole-in-the-wall joint in L.A. hoping to find rare albums, a close friend of mine reminded me of how I was fond of music ever since she could remember. Too young to afford, I used to beg my mom to buy me blank cassette tapes. I always had a blank cassette ready in my radio just in case there was something I needed to record. My friend recalled how when we were little, I used to make her copies of cassette mixes and encouraged her to listen to them. While most neighborhood kids stood up late on weeknights to watch shows usually forbidden by parents, I waited on late night radio mixes or songs.
I completely forgot about all those days but it completely made sense. To this very day, I still love sharing music. I still buy blanks just to make copies of new music findings or music albums or mixes for my friends. As far away as I am from my homies, I still make cds for them and I don't mind spending the extra postage for it. I enjoy it.
MUSIC is my PASSION.
I love listening to beats, rhymes, lyrics, live instruments, the transitions in mixes, scratches, the flow of songs, etc!!! I was never able to listen to music while I study nor sleep. I don't know how people do it!? I'm too busy analyzing the song/track, singing it in my head, imaging how the video would be, or even relating the song to events or people! Prior to college, I thought living at the dorms with my roommate would be difficult, because she on the other hand, could not sleep without music, literally! Luckily, we survived as we both compromised. She would only listen to music that was in her native language. So, I listened to Laotian and Thai music every night for a year!! And to be honest, I loved it. I love music and almost every genre of it!
Collecting music, specifically cds is my ADDICTION.
I'd rather buy cds than clothes. I'd eat cereal for days just to save for a new album. No questions asked. With mp3s, new technology, and itunes, some people wonder, "who buys cds anymore?! aren't they obsolete?!"... well I FKN DO!! I love having the actual raw cd album in my hands. I love opening the cd as soon as I walk outta the store anticipating its contents. I love looking at the album art. I love reading the insides of the booklet, knowing who produced the album, where it was produced, their thoughts, their thank yous, and their lyrics. I love it all. Sometimes I find it lucky to have an album in which the artist(s) describes their inspirations and motivations for each track. It's like I'm in their head and I get to feel what they feel. It's a complete natural high for me!
Prior to meeting with the BF, I told myself, I want to be with someone who loves music and the same kind of music as I do!! Before we even met and before he came to Hawaii for vacation, my two cousins told me, "I think you'll get a long with Jason because you both like the same type of music, you both know a lot about it, and you are both alike - outgoing!" And we did! When we were just friends, we even made each other copies of cds of our favorites. It wasn't long until we were officially together. I am so lucky and so happy he loves the same kind of music (except country; he doesn't like country)! I am so relieved I don't have to adjust my car music for him or I don't need to tolerate his music. I call him my music-soul mate!!! We love to talk about music. We love to teach each other about music. We love going to concerts together to enjoy music.
He can make one beat of my HEART and scratch it into a melody. He's that AWESOME!
For awhile now, the both of us have been talking about how the radio doesn't play most of the music we enjoy listening to. Or how we love the "Cerritos All Star Live Mix Show" on the internet. Or how oldies are only found on oldie stations. Or how there is so many songs/tracks/mixes out there that people should hear. Or how there are so many artists, djs, producers, or mc's that should be recognized. Then it dawned on us. We should make a radio station!!
We should make OUR very own RADIO STATION!!
Although both of us are very busy people, we will make this hobby happen! We have more than enough motivation and patience! I am still trying make dj name. And we are looking into more options for the name of the station, besides "Better Than Radio." We were planning to start off on the internet at least once a week for a few hours. A few hours of what WE want to listen to and share. How awesome would that be?! With our passion and knowledge, we would have so much fun doing it! It's our mission people!!
SO STAY TUNED!
But for now, you can listen to our playlists on:
My Imeem PlaylistMy Project Playlist
Jayce's Imeem Playlist
Jayce's Project Playlist
it's been a while since i wrote a blog entry. too long actually. i've been too busy just trying to live my life from one day to the next. over the past month, i've experienced a whole lotta shit. it's practically countless at this point. you name it, i've dealt with it, and if not, i've definitely thought about it. i've broke down more in the month of may than the entire year of 2008. the thoughts in my head scream so loud i can hardly hear the music behind it. my vision is too blurry to decipher if this is really real or a real nightmare. i try so hard to keep myself afloat but sometimes, i'd rather just drown. i mean, if it's not one thing, it's the other. if it's not today, it might be tomorrow. there must be some dark cloud hovering over me. there must be some superstition i broke or some bad karma that is biting me in the ass. there must be something out there that's guiding me away from the light. i try to think it's not me. i try not to blame myself but most of the time, it really is hard not to. you may see my smile and hear my laugh... but my mind is screaming and my heart is aching.
My homegirl, Tracy, and I were on the phone laughing and "talking stories" when she asked me, "Haaw, why you so nice?!"
I paused in silence. Then I said, "what the hell??!" She then said, "don't get me wrong, you can be the meanest drunk or the grouchiest BITCH... but you ARE really really nice! Like when you're a bitch, you're the biggest bitch. And when you're nice, you're REALLY nice!" HAHAHA... That was the most random question anyone asked me in a long time. I thought about this for days.
Okay, other than anyone waking me up when I don't need to, I really AM nice! I LOVE that I'm nice! I love complimenting others (to those who deserve it of course). I always make sure everyone's happy. I love doing things for people I care about. I put a lot of trust and faith into people. I believe everyone has a good heart. I believe everyone is considered innocent until proven guilty. I believe everyone's cup of water is always half full. Some people may think of "being nice" as a form of weakness, while I only think it as a sign of strength.
A few people told me that I'm TOO nice or TOO friendly like it's a bad thing!?! Why is it so bad to meet new people? Why is it so bad to believe that they are really nice?! Why is it so bad to have some faith and trust?! Why is it so bad to let your guard down for a bit just to have fun?! Why is it bad to treat a few friends with drinks?!? Why waste your life disliking innocent people or being too cautious or even refraining from meeting new people who could possibly be your next lifetime friend? Doing this, you won't be able to REALLY live your life to its fullest so consider yourself a damm boring hermit.
I mean, OK, they've come to you only when they got problems. They talked shit behind your back. They secretly hated you for your achievements and praised you on your failures. They cheated and lied. They spread rumors. They even disrespected you and your family. Basically, you got fucked over - either from a significant other or a friend. I had my share of being naive and gullible which eventually turned into heartache in more ways than one. I've been taken advantage of too. I've been the typical doormat girl. I've been called names. I've even been disrespected. I've been the topic of negative conversation.
This is when you use your inner strength - it's what you do after that matters. Of course I didn't tolerate any of it. I didn't fake the funk either. What did I do? Got mad. Got hurt. Let go. Left it behind. Learned. Laughed. Moved on. And simply just be happy!! Yes, easier said than done... but it's so doable! Just build a bridge and get over it! Just filter out those people who only bring you down. Just don't put too much effort. Just don't expect so much from them next time. Just stay away for how ever long you need to. Just turn and never look back. Just believe in karma. Just go on and LIVE your life! You learn, you move on. Most importantly, don't take the same sitatuation and assume it will repeat itself to the next thing that comes your way. Why waste you precious time and energy advocating your anti-relationship speeches and anti-trust antics?! Just apply it to those that really matter!!!
And those, my friends, are the reasons why I am this NICE!!
Music.
I've been in love with this phenomenal kind of art ever since i could remember. Dad played vinyls that ranged from Nat King Cole, Blondie, Elvis, Al Green, and to Mozart. Every Sunday evening, we'd watch a jazz and soul music show on network tv. I collected cassettes to record mixes from local radio stations. We not only listened to music but we also played music. Dad played the violin and my brother and I played the piano. One day, I will learn and play the violin.
I cannot even begin to describe how music means to me, how it inspires and motivates me, and how it's a vital part of my life... but Lauryn Hill explains it best in a verse from Angie Stone's track, Music ...
"Colors of sound
Scales and beauty
Audio scenery
Electric love and
Rhythmic symmetry
Written in memory
Beautifully crafted scenery
Complex or simplicity
Sonic energy
Piercing insensitivity
Sympathetic poetry
For some even identity
Collective entity
Something to belong to
A source of energy
The possibilities
Wave lengths and bandwith
Higher vibration
Energizing entire lands with
Something to stand with
Or stand for
Lovers to walk hand in hand with
Then plan for
Sanctuary chords
Harmony, melodies, even riffs can be
Disguised human essence
Sonically bottled ecstasy
Or melancholy
Agony blues angst
Exercising anxieties
Fueling entire societies
Making economies
Stimulating, generating
Inspiration synonymously
Entertaining, expression
Intangible, invisible but undeniable
Plays the language of excitement on survival
Some call it tribal
But perspective is everything
Connected to everything
Some say collectively
Everything"
I say, it IS MY everything!!!
So, after Rachel inspired me to make some blog on this thing, i gave in. Here I am. I've always written journals and kept dairies, but never exposed myself, nor had anyone break through my inner most feelings about everything and anything.
It was summer of 2002, the most dreadful summer of my life. I was dealing with a stupid cheating boyfriend, who in fact verbally and emotional abused me. I was dealing with parents who turned their back on me for some ex-boyfriend in the past. I was busy with nursing school and trying to keep myself sane at the same time. And I was trying to recuperate friendships that I've grown away from due to that stupid cheating insecure boyfriend.
Laur, the bff, gave me an inspirational paperback book compiled of quotes and poems from various artists. I eventually bought more similar books. As my first blog entry, I decided to post a poem i remembered . This poem changed my life.... it made it better. This poem gave me strength and motivation to seek the happiness i deserved.
Autobiography In Five Short Chapters
By: Portia Nelson
Chapter I
I walk down the street, there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I fall in.I am lost ... I am helpless.It isn't my fault.It takes forever to find a way out.Chapter III walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I don't see it.I fall in again.I can't believe I am in the same place.But it isn't my fault.It takes a long time to get out.Chapter IIII walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it there.I still fall in... it's a habit ... but,my eyes are open.I know where i am.It is my fault.I get out immediately.Chapter IVI walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it.Chapter VI walk down another street.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
