with electric love

it's been a while since i wrote a blog entry. too long actually. i've been too busy just trying to live my life from one day to the next. over the past month, i've experienced a whole lotta shit. it's practically countless at this point. you name it, i've dealt with it, and if not, i've definitely thought about it. i've broke down more in the month of may than the entire year of 2008. the thoughts in my head scream so loud i can hardly hear the music behind it. my vision is too blurry to decipher if this is really real or a real nightmare. i try so hard to keep myself afloat but sometimes, i'd rather just drown. i mean, if it's not one thing, it's the other. if it's not today, it might be tomorrow. there must be some dark cloud hovering over me. there must be some superstition i broke or some bad karma that is biting me in the ass. there must be something out there that's guiding me away from the light. i try to think it's not me. i try not to blame myself but most of the time, it really is hard not to. you may see my smile and hear my laugh... but my mind is screaming and my heart is aching.